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Community & Culture

People Are Sick of Seeing Your Tonsils

You may have heard about brawntalking. That's when two bros at the gym trade tips on how to get bigger deltoids.

Or, if you're a fan of nature, you may have witnessed fawntalking. It's when a baby deer goes frolicking through a field of flowers, pauses to let a butterfly land on her tail and says, "Bird!"

Also, there's dawntalking. As in, "The sun came up over a hot Missouri morning, and I arose from my bed and did some dawntalking."

Are You A Yawn Talker?

All those types of talking are interesting, but they're uncommon when compared to yawn talking. You may have done some yawn talking. It sounds like Chewbacca trying to put together a sentence after eating a spoonful of peanut butter. Your mouth widens, face trembles, a semblance of sound escapes as you begin inhaling. You begin speaking in vowels and suddenly feel the need to cover your face with a forearm over the mouth.

The Social Behaviors of Yawn Talkers

The yawn talker typically apologies, but is confused as to why he is actually offering an apology, thinking to himself, "Am I apologizing for talking while I'm tired? Is it socially unacceptable to speak while drowsy? Maybe I'm actually apologizing for showing that lady my tonsils. That makes sense. Tonsil displays do seem rude and aggressive."

In his state of delirium, the yawn talker focuses on the etiquette of showing the inside of his mouth instead of realizing science has found a cure for his condition. It's shaped like a giant pill, but you don't swallow it. It's a mattress.

Beat Yawn Talking With A Good Night's Sleep

A mattress can help prevent yawn talking - and a social display of your tonsils - by promoting healthy sleep habits. After a week of getting good sleep, the yawn talker disappears. People may wonder where he went. Tonsil displays drop dramatically. For the first time in months his co-workers get to see his entire face while they chat around the water cooler. Susie from accounting is no longer self-conscious that she's boring him. Consonants have returned to his vocabulary. Who knew all of the benefits of sleep?

Yawn talkers, listen up: People are tired of looking at your tonsils. It's time to #StopYawnTalking.

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